I like to ask “would a cup of herbal tea be just as good” when I’m at home and feel the desire to pour a glass of wine. Sometimes the answer is no! But it’s a nice little check in.
I have alcoholics in my life, so I've thought A LOT about drinking and have realized over the years that I have the privilege of a brain that can start a glass of wine and not notice if I finish it, let alone want another one. And many people's brains just don't let them do that. I also have the "privilege" of waking up with a migraine pretty much anytime I have more than one glass of wine and as a result, it's been literally years since I've done that. I'll get a glass of wine with dinner in a restaurant or try a cocktail if someone makes a yummy one, but I'm a non-drinker most of the time and can co-sign the benefits you describe around sleep and skin! I think being in my 40s makes me too protective of both those things to have any interest. But big love to everyone whose brains give them a harder time with this. It's a rough road.
I did damp January as well. I did such a good job of having a variety of fun non-alcoholic options for the month of January so that I had options to treat myself if I wanted when I got home. That ritual of winding down with a glass of wine or a cocktail really is important to me (and I'm not a big tea drinker so it doesn't substitute for me - I associate evening tea with dessert thanks to my grandmother and I don't want to add that craving to the mix) so having something that was a more exciting substitute than just seltzer really helped me stick with it.
But last night I went out to see a broadway show with friends and afterwards we got dinner and drinks so we could talk about how much we disliked the performance. It was so much fun, but it was my first night of multiple drinks since new year's and I can definitely feel how much it has affected me today and I hate it! I'm trying to hold on to this feeling for the next time I consider having a drink (or two...) but man, it really is annoying to have actual proof that you feel better when you don't drink a lot.
Ha ha ha I totally feel this — when I started noticing how good I was feeling, part of me was like “Ugh!!” It’s like how when you’re in a bad mood and you exercise or go for a walk you feel better. Like OKAY FINE. 😆
I've been reading a lot about sobriety, as if to prep myself for the inevitable day I will make the plunge. It's the one unhealthy vice I still feel taunting me - and quite an unhealthy one at that! I do truly enjoy my booze-free weekday nights that consist of tea and a good book, and a better night sleep. But i have a HUGE association with drinking and the weekend. As a remote worker, my days look eerily the same with the exception of drinking + tv on Th, F, S - so, not exactly sure how to untangle those two things, esp since I still really enjoy it.
This is so relatable. I feel like I was reading about sobriety for a long time before I even did my initial cutdown to 8/week! In the exercise/behavior change world we call this the “contemplation phase” — it’s a critical step toward actually making a change (and sometimes lasts quite a long time). And I think being curious and brainstorming a bit about how you’ll handle the moments that will probably be harder if you do make this change (weekend fun and unwinding) is a big part of setting yourself up for success. I don’t have an easy answer, but I will be cheering you on as you figure this stuff out!
Yes, this is also discussed in Quit Like a Woman - a great read. It took me about 2 years of reading and thinking about adding weights into my cardio routine before I finally took the plunge, and I had the equipment in my house the whole time! So, this perspective does make a lot of sense to me.
My Oura ring has been very happy with me since I stopped drinking. HRV and sleep quality are both dramatically improved! I finally feel fresh in the morning and that energy carries through the day. My workouts are easier and more productive. My eyes are white again (they had turned into a yucky blend of red and yellow). Weekends and special occasions are still hard, but the reflexive weeknight glass(es) of wine are over!!
Thanks for sharing, Anna. Alcohol use needs to be discussed as much as all other health and fitness modalities.
I think I shared some of this as a comment on your Note before, but I'll repeat it here in case it resonates with other people.
A few years ago, I stopped being able to tolerate alcohol and I wasn't even enjoying it. I still kept drinking socially and with certain meals (I love fancy cocktails and a good IPA!). But after Dry January 2025, I realized I didn't have any reason to start again. I think perimenopause has simply changed how my body processes alcohol—I stopped getting that fun buzzy feeling but instead would feel my blood pressure do something weird (like, I could feel my pulse in my feet if I was sitting down) and then I would sleep even worse than normal and have hangover symptoms even after one or two drinks.
I had a few drinks in 2025 (at my 50th birthday, for example) but otherwise switched to NA beer and mocktails.
I miss the fun of it, especially relaxing with my husband while we cook a meal together. When I did enjoy drinking, I remember hearing a line that really resonated with me: "I don't want another drink; I want the first drink again" (I can't remember the name of the country singer in recovery who said this in an interview I heard).
I will say it can be annoying to be the only sober person in a social setting. As in, most people are kind of annoying when they're buzzed, but you don't realize it if you are in the same state of mind!
I also feel like perimenopause changed how I process alcohol. Most of the time I just feel tired when I drink. I guess I’m sensitive to the fermentation in alcohol because I get the “face flush” from different types of alcohol, not just wine, and that’s unpleasant. Hard liquor (which is distilled) doesn’t affect me in the same way.
For me it really helps to have alternative special beverages for when I do want to feel celebratory. I don’t really like NA mocktails, but there are some NA beers that I like. I mostly drink the “Something Spritzy” cans from Trader Joe’s, mixing them with sparkling water so they aren’t so sweet. Putting it in an insulated tumbler with ice helps in feel like I’m “having a drink.”
I love an EANAB! Catherine Newman introduced me to Trader Joe's jalapeño limeade, which mixed with a bit of seltzer is just the BEST spicy margarita substitute. My favorite thing in the summer.
Oh she has great recommendations for NA cocktails! Sadly I am very much not a spicy person but I appreciate that a margarita substitute is delightful!!
I had to stop drinking wine about 10-15 years ago (made me feel terrible immediately.) I never thought about the distillation process being the reason booze didn’t bother me (until recently).
I just discovered this recently while googling why I don’t get a face flush from hard alcohol! The explanation had something to do with the yeast remnants left over from the fermentation process. I also don’t get the same flush reaction with very light beer, like a Pilsner or a Kolsch. Those are my preferred types of beers anyway, when I decide to drink beer with alcohol!
I love how open and honest you were here, Anna! I quit drinking entirely after my last drink at my Masters' degree celebration in December 2019, with only one drink in the 6 months before that, and ... this is where I'll be forever. My best friend quit shortly after I did, and has now focused her entire professional life around sobriety (a PODCAST! She wrote a BOOK!) and I'm so very proud of her. Personally, I don't share about my sobriety IRL unless someone asks why I'm not drinking and it just is who I am now, but having a supportive community of people who share a way of life is such a gift.
Ooh, I love that you and your bestie kind of did this together. (And LOVE to hear about her professional success!) Being around like-minded folks is so crucial. My husband has mostly been on this train with me, and has helped be the "Do you really want that?" voice when my own doesn't pipe up. (But in a nice, not annoying way.)
This is a great conversation starter! I stopped drinking over 2 years ago and don't miss it at all. I have a 3 year old and 18 month old so I was pregnant relatively back to back so I got used to not drinking in social settings which made it easier to quit as I was already in the swing of it. I just never returned to it postpartum. The fact that I can guarantee never dealing with two toddlers with a hangover is worth it. I have certainly noticed certain friends not inviting me to as many dinners or outings but that says more about them than me. If drinking was the only reason we hung out, then that isn't a close friend anyhow. Another great book recommendation is "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray. She is British and cheeky and you will be laughing all the way through. A quote that really struck me - "If alcohol truly helped us relax, we would encourage drinking before a job interview or college exams. If someone was aggressive and violent, we would give them a drink to calm them down." Much like anything, I have found the more you start reading about the harms of drinking, the easier it gets to quit.
I’ve never been a huge drinker (some nights in college aside). However, I also never thought twice about having a drink or three until I had kids. I didn’t want to impact my sleep and how I felt the next day anymore than it already was. I have a handful of drinks a year now - just one if I drink. It’s usually a special outing or something, never work events. I love so many non-alcoholic drinks that it’s easy to replace with something that feels like a treat. My problem is that my alcohol is sugar. I have been in the habit for years of having a lot of sweets every day and particularly before bed. It impacts my sleep and I feel crappy a lot. I wish I could have the same relationship with refined sugar as I do with alcohol.
I’m still in my moist era, which seems to be working well for me. It mainly means not drinking at home - which is something I used to do loads (wine mostly). But the migraines got too much, and it just seemed mindless to carry on poisoning myself. I blame it fully on perimenopause and the new way my body doesn’t process alcohol. I used to think I’d give it up fully but I’ve realised a more moderate approach is doable. I’ve found my shut off switch (only took me a few decades!) and I use it loads!
Love this! I quit drinking after doing Dry January in 2022 and haven't looked back. Like you, I was definitely reaching for the wine after work in the early days of the pandemic to cope (but also, my GI doc highly recommended I stop drinking because alcohol was triggering my acid reflux!). Being in NYC, there are lots of opportunities to meet other like-minded people, so I will attend sober social events and have made some cool new friends that way. There are even a few non-alcoholic bars here, so it's fun to go check those out and drink fancy mocktails. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything!
I totally forgot about the GI stuff! It has such a huge impact on digestion, stomach troubles, etc. And yes, so many great NA bars and shops here — we are lucky!
Love this, Anna! I also have recently stopped drinking specifically when I start to feel sick or am trying to recover from a cold, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it's my longest stretch ever of not getting sick.
I’ve been thinking so much about this article for days now. I also did damp January this year and have continued on into February. Generally, I feel better and happier and more resilient and I am newly dedicated to not drinking so much. The annoying thing is that I have been having nightmares since quitting which I’m sure has to do with world stressors, so while my sleep is “better” it also sucks.
I have done many dry-ish Januarys over the years and I’ve noticed that completely quitting only makes me want it more so damp works better. I struggle mightily with social anxiety which makes not drinking in situations where others are drinking very difficult.
Yet I take comfort in these discussions knowing that people are trying to drink less which makes it easier for me to not drink. I have so many thoughts but I’ll leave it there. Thank you for sharing this.
Oh gosh the nightmares sound horrible! I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with that. Not that you asked for advice, but I wonder if a calming meditation before bed could help? I hope it gets better soon 💕
And totally relate to the social anxiety, and to having a much easier time when I don’t fall into all or nothing thinking. It’s so nice to enjoy the benefits of very minimal drinking but not feel deprived.
I actually messaged my doctor for some sleep herbs but I haven’t received the package yet. It’s a combo of magnesium and l-theanine plus a couple of calming herbs. I’m sure it would help some if I managed to get through a full second sleep cycle but I never manage to get in bed early enough.
I had a long conversation about my two social crutches of alcohol in the evening and coffee in the morning. I was talking with my friend who is also a caffeine junky who talks too fast and is fine with my anxious rambling. I think the way evenings stretch on indefinitely might be an additional problem. I can usually navigate conversations knowing I am only going to have coffee for like an hour and then be done. I’m not sure what the answer is for that.
I’m glad you’re continuing to find a “drier” way of life that is working for you. I personally never really went back to drinking after my pregnancies, so I often get the feeling of disgust/meh when someone offers me a drink. I’ll still have a glass occasionally, but often less than once a month.
I’m even more impressed in a way that you signed up for kid swim class in winter! That takes some balls and commitment! I always wait until March to sign them up again 😅.
Lastly, wait—substack changes subscription prices based on device?? How did I not know this?!
Ha, our swim classes are sort of in perpetuity — once you sign up, you're signed up forever unless you give four weeks' notice!
And yes, I think if you upgrade your subscription using the app, it goes through the App Store, so Apple takes a cut, so Substack jacks up the price so that it doesn't have to eat that fee. (If I understand this correctly!) The in-app subscription is more like $80/year instead of $70!
For the first two weeks, and somewhat still four weeks in, I get an automatic craving for my 5-6pm glass of wine. It’s crazy how the feeling kicks in at almost exactly 5pm!!
I like to ask “would a cup of herbal tea be just as good” when I’m at home and feel the desire to pour a glass of wine. Sometimes the answer is no! But it’s a nice little check in.
That's such a perfect trick! Sometimes you just want something nice to drink!
I have alcoholics in my life, so I've thought A LOT about drinking and have realized over the years that I have the privilege of a brain that can start a glass of wine and not notice if I finish it, let alone want another one. And many people's brains just don't let them do that. I also have the "privilege" of waking up with a migraine pretty much anytime I have more than one glass of wine and as a result, it's been literally years since I've done that. I'll get a glass of wine with dinner in a restaurant or try a cocktail if someone makes a yummy one, but I'm a non-drinker most of the time and can co-sign the benefits you describe around sleep and skin! I think being in my 40s makes me too protective of both those things to have any interest. But big love to everyone whose brains give them a harder time with this. It's a rough road.
I did damp January as well. I did such a good job of having a variety of fun non-alcoholic options for the month of January so that I had options to treat myself if I wanted when I got home. That ritual of winding down with a glass of wine or a cocktail really is important to me (and I'm not a big tea drinker so it doesn't substitute for me - I associate evening tea with dessert thanks to my grandmother and I don't want to add that craving to the mix) so having something that was a more exciting substitute than just seltzer really helped me stick with it.
But last night I went out to see a broadway show with friends and afterwards we got dinner and drinks so we could talk about how much we disliked the performance. It was so much fun, but it was my first night of multiple drinks since new year's and I can definitely feel how much it has affected me today and I hate it! I'm trying to hold on to this feeling for the next time I consider having a drink (or two...) but man, it really is annoying to have actual proof that you feel better when you don't drink a lot.
Ha ha ha I totally feel this — when I started noticing how good I was feeling, part of me was like “Ugh!!” It’s like how when you’re in a bad mood and you exercise or go for a walk you feel better. Like OKAY FINE. 😆
I've been reading a lot about sobriety, as if to prep myself for the inevitable day I will make the plunge. It's the one unhealthy vice I still feel taunting me - and quite an unhealthy one at that! I do truly enjoy my booze-free weekday nights that consist of tea and a good book, and a better night sleep. But i have a HUGE association with drinking and the weekend. As a remote worker, my days look eerily the same with the exception of drinking + tv on Th, F, S - so, not exactly sure how to untangle those two things, esp since I still really enjoy it.
This is so relatable. I feel like I was reading about sobriety for a long time before I even did my initial cutdown to 8/week! In the exercise/behavior change world we call this the “contemplation phase” — it’s a critical step toward actually making a change (and sometimes lasts quite a long time). And I think being curious and brainstorming a bit about how you’ll handle the moments that will probably be harder if you do make this change (weekend fun and unwinding) is a big part of setting yourself up for success. I don’t have an easy answer, but I will be cheering you on as you figure this stuff out!
Yes, this is also discussed in Quit Like a Woman - a great read. It took me about 2 years of reading and thinking about adding weights into my cardio routine before I finally took the plunge, and I had the equipment in my house the whole time! So, this perspective does make a lot of sense to me.
My Oura ring has been very happy with me since I stopped drinking. HRV and sleep quality are both dramatically improved! I finally feel fresh in the morning and that energy carries through the day. My workouts are easier and more productive. My eyes are white again (they had turned into a yucky blend of red and yellow). Weekends and special occasions are still hard, but the reflexive weeknight glass(es) of wine are over!!
Thanks for sharing, Anna. Alcohol use needs to be discussed as much as all other health and fitness modalities.
Ooh, it sounds really cool and motivating to see those actual health metrics improve! So glad you’re feeling great <3
I think I shared some of this as a comment on your Note before, but I'll repeat it here in case it resonates with other people.
A few years ago, I stopped being able to tolerate alcohol and I wasn't even enjoying it. I still kept drinking socially and with certain meals (I love fancy cocktails and a good IPA!). But after Dry January 2025, I realized I didn't have any reason to start again. I think perimenopause has simply changed how my body processes alcohol—I stopped getting that fun buzzy feeling but instead would feel my blood pressure do something weird (like, I could feel my pulse in my feet if I was sitting down) and then I would sleep even worse than normal and have hangover symptoms even after one or two drinks.
I had a few drinks in 2025 (at my 50th birthday, for example) but otherwise switched to NA beer and mocktails.
I miss the fun of it, especially relaxing with my husband while we cook a meal together. When I did enjoy drinking, I remember hearing a line that really resonated with me: "I don't want another drink; I want the first drink again" (I can't remember the name of the country singer in recovery who said this in an interview I heard).
I will say it can be annoying to be the only sober person in a social setting. As in, most people are kind of annoying when they're buzzed, but you don't realize it if you are in the same state of mind!
I also feel like perimenopause changed how I process alcohol. Most of the time I just feel tired when I drink. I guess I’m sensitive to the fermentation in alcohol because I get the “face flush” from different types of alcohol, not just wine, and that’s unpleasant. Hard liquor (which is distilled) doesn’t affect me in the same way.
For me it really helps to have alternative special beverages for when I do want to feel celebratory. I don’t really like NA mocktails, but there are some NA beers that I like. I mostly drink the “Something Spritzy” cans from Trader Joe’s, mixing them with sparkling water so they aren’t so sweet. Putting it in an insulated tumbler with ice helps in feel like I’m “having a drink.”
I love an EANAB! Catherine Newman introduced me to Trader Joe's jalapeño limeade, which mixed with a bit of seltzer is just the BEST spicy margarita substitute. My favorite thing in the summer.
Oh she has great recommendations for NA cocktails! Sadly I am very much not a spicy person but I appreciate that a margarita substitute is delightful!!
Aha! Well I do think limeade in general is clutch :-)
I had to stop drinking wine about 10-15 years ago (made me feel terrible immediately.) I never thought about the distillation process being the reason booze didn’t bother me (until recently).
I just discovered this recently while googling why I don’t get a face flush from hard alcohol! The explanation had something to do with the yeast remnants left over from the fermentation process. I also don’t get the same flush reaction with very light beer, like a Pilsner or a Kolsch. Those are my preferred types of beers anyway, when I decide to drink beer with alcohol!
I love how open and honest you were here, Anna! I quit drinking entirely after my last drink at my Masters' degree celebration in December 2019, with only one drink in the 6 months before that, and ... this is where I'll be forever. My best friend quit shortly after I did, and has now focused her entire professional life around sobriety (a PODCAST! She wrote a BOOK!) and I'm so very proud of her. Personally, I don't share about my sobriety IRL unless someone asks why I'm not drinking and it just is who I am now, but having a supportive community of people who share a way of life is such a gift.
Ooh, I love that you and your bestie kind of did this together. (And LOVE to hear about her professional success!) Being around like-minded folks is so crucial. My husband has mostly been on this train with me, and has helped be the "Do you really want that?" voice when my own doesn't pipe up. (But in a nice, not annoying way.)
This is a great conversation starter! I stopped drinking over 2 years ago and don't miss it at all. I have a 3 year old and 18 month old so I was pregnant relatively back to back so I got used to not drinking in social settings which made it easier to quit as I was already in the swing of it. I just never returned to it postpartum. The fact that I can guarantee never dealing with two toddlers with a hangover is worth it. I have certainly noticed certain friends not inviting me to as many dinners or outings but that says more about them than me. If drinking was the only reason we hung out, then that isn't a close friend anyhow. Another great book recommendation is "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray. She is British and cheeky and you will be laughing all the way through. A quote that really struck me - "If alcohol truly helped us relax, we would encourage drinking before a job interview or college exams. If someone was aggressive and violent, we would give them a drink to calm them down." Much like anything, I have found the more you start reading about the harms of drinking, the easier it gets to quit.
I’ve never been a huge drinker (some nights in college aside). However, I also never thought twice about having a drink or three until I had kids. I didn’t want to impact my sleep and how I felt the next day anymore than it already was. I have a handful of drinks a year now - just one if I drink. It’s usually a special outing or something, never work events. I love so many non-alcoholic drinks that it’s easy to replace with something that feels like a treat. My problem is that my alcohol is sugar. I have been in the habit for years of having a lot of sweets every day and particularly before bed. It impacts my sleep and I feel crappy a lot. I wish I could have the same relationship with refined sugar as I do with alcohol.
I’m still in my moist era, which seems to be working well for me. It mainly means not drinking at home - which is something I used to do loads (wine mostly). But the migraines got too much, and it just seemed mindless to carry on poisoning myself. I blame it fully on perimenopause and the new way my body doesn’t process alcohol. I used to think I’d give it up fully but I’ve realised a more moderate approach is doable. I’ve found my shut off switch (only took me a few decades!) and I use it loads!
Love this! I quit drinking after doing Dry January in 2022 and haven't looked back. Like you, I was definitely reaching for the wine after work in the early days of the pandemic to cope (but also, my GI doc highly recommended I stop drinking because alcohol was triggering my acid reflux!). Being in NYC, there are lots of opportunities to meet other like-minded people, so I will attend sober social events and have made some cool new friends that way. There are even a few non-alcoholic bars here, so it's fun to go check those out and drink fancy mocktails. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything!
I totally forgot about the GI stuff! It has such a huge impact on digestion, stomach troubles, etc. And yes, so many great NA bars and shops here — we are lucky!
Love this, Anna! I also have recently stopped drinking specifically when I start to feel sick or am trying to recover from a cold, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it's my longest stretch ever of not getting sick.
Christinaaaa! And yes, even if nothing else sticks I definitely think this rule makes 100% sense and I’ll keep it forever.
I’ve been thinking so much about this article for days now. I also did damp January this year and have continued on into February. Generally, I feel better and happier and more resilient and I am newly dedicated to not drinking so much. The annoying thing is that I have been having nightmares since quitting which I’m sure has to do with world stressors, so while my sleep is “better” it also sucks.
I have done many dry-ish Januarys over the years and I’ve noticed that completely quitting only makes me want it more so damp works better. I struggle mightily with social anxiety which makes not drinking in situations where others are drinking very difficult.
Yet I take comfort in these discussions knowing that people are trying to drink less which makes it easier for me to not drink. I have so many thoughts but I’ll leave it there. Thank you for sharing this.
Oh gosh the nightmares sound horrible! I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with that. Not that you asked for advice, but I wonder if a calming meditation before bed could help? I hope it gets better soon 💕
And totally relate to the social anxiety, and to having a much easier time when I don’t fall into all or nothing thinking. It’s so nice to enjoy the benefits of very minimal drinking but not feel deprived.
I actually messaged my doctor for some sleep herbs but I haven’t received the package yet. It’s a combo of magnesium and l-theanine plus a couple of calming herbs. I’m sure it would help some if I managed to get through a full second sleep cycle but I never manage to get in bed early enough.
I had a long conversation about my two social crutches of alcohol in the evening and coffee in the morning. I was talking with my friend who is also a caffeine junky who talks too fast and is fine with my anxious rambling. I think the way evenings stretch on indefinitely might be an additional problem. I can usually navigate conversations knowing I am only going to have coffee for like an hour and then be done. I’m not sure what the answer is for that.
I’m glad you’re continuing to find a “drier” way of life that is working for you. I personally never really went back to drinking after my pregnancies, so I often get the feeling of disgust/meh when someone offers me a drink. I’ll still have a glass occasionally, but often less than once a month.
I’m even more impressed in a way that you signed up for kid swim class in winter! That takes some balls and commitment! I always wait until March to sign them up again 😅.
Lastly, wait—substack changes subscription prices based on device?? How did I not know this?!
Ha, our swim classes are sort of in perpetuity — once you sign up, you're signed up forever unless you give four weeks' notice!
And yes, I think if you upgrade your subscription using the app, it goes through the App Store, so Apple takes a cut, so Substack jacks up the price so that it doesn't have to eat that fee. (If I understand this correctly!) The in-app subscription is more like $80/year instead of $70!
Well I just love everything you share. Thank you so much for this! Super interesting and honest 😊
Thank you, Ettie!
For the first two weeks, and somewhat still four weeks in, I get an automatic craving for my 5-6pm glass of wine. It’s crazy how the feeling kicks in at almost exactly 5pm!!
Right? Once I started paying attention to that I was equal parts annoyed and disturbed by it.