11 things I do (and don't do) as a body-neutral personal trainer

Hint: It's not about my own body image — or yours

Your friendly neighborhood anti-diet trainer (in her friendly neighborhood messy apartment)

I live in New York City, where the first question most people ask you at a cocktail party is, famously, “What do you do?”

What I do these days is…a little complicated. So I normally share that I’m a personal trainer and health journalist. And the majority of the time, one or two things happen immediately:

1. The person’s eyes quickly glance down at my body, as if to assess the visual results of my profession, and/or

2. The person replies by telling me how bad they’ve been about exercising lately, and how they have 10 or 20 pounds they’d really like to lose.

First of all, let me tell you that I do not love feeling like my body is being evaluated! Also, regardless of what anyone thinks of my appearance, it’s simply not true that a personal trainer’s body should be their “calling card.” After all, appearance doesn’t indicate health or strength, and aesthetic changes that can come with exercise are typically due to diet, genetics, or a combination of both. And there are plenty of brilliant, talented, effective trainers who live in bodies that don’t conform to our society’s narrow, white supremacy-informed definition of what “good” or “healthy” looks like.

Secondly, I don’t judge anyone for how much they have or haven’t been exercising lately (or ever). I exercise a lot primarily because it’s my job and I’m on “easy mode,” to borrow a phrase from the great Mikala Jamison. But I recognize that most people struggle to squeeze in exercise. It’s understandable, and okay, and it’s a big part of my job to help folks work within the constraints of their real life to fit in some movement that supports their wellbeing. (Rather than making them feel guilty about what they aren’t doing.)

But finally, and perhaps most importantly, I’m a body-neutral trainer. As I’ve tried to explain many times, THIS IS NOT REFERRING TO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY, OR YOURS. I’d love for myself and others to feel neutral (or even positive!) about our bodies, and my hope is that good, supportive movement will help us get closer to that. But when I say body-neutral in this context, I simply mean that my work, and my training, is not focused on weight or aesthetics. That’s not because training for aesthetics is wrong, or because you’re a bad person if you do it. Instead, it’s because aesthetic changes can be a really tricky thing to achieve in the gym, and they’re something I cannot authentically promise or sell; because of the many harms the aesthetics-focused fitness industry (and the diet industrial complex as a whole) has wrought on us all; and because I want my work to be a safe space for those who have dealt with eating disorders and/or the diet culture hamster wheel and just don’t want to hear that shit.

I want everyone who works out with me to feel safe, capable, and strong — and fully in charge of their own bodies and movement choices.

Today, I’d like to share a few ways that body neutrality shows up in my work, with 1:1 training clients, in group programs, and here on How to Move.

The obvious stuff:

1. I don’t weigh anyone or take before-and-after photos (or encourage you to).

   This is the biggie! Weight and appearance just don’t play a role in my work, and I certainly don’t promise or market based on aesthetic results.

2. I don’t use body-shaming language.

   You’ll never hear me referring to “problem areas” or using annoying diet culture body terms like “love handles.” I don’t talk about toning up or spot-reducing specific body areas (which, btw, you can’t actually do!). I also try to say things like “Widen your legs to make space for your belly,” not “if your belly is getting in the way.” (That’s a subtle one, but I just don’t ever want to frame anyone’s body as a problem.)

In a session or workout:

3. I offer multiple options for most exercises.

   All bodies are different, and an individual body’s capacity for movement can often shift from one day to the next. I want you to challenge yourself to the extent that feels right to you, and I also want you to feel comfortable taking a substitution that helps you get at the intention of the exercise without forcing your way through or feeling miserable. I also recognize that bodies come in many shapes and sizes and abilities, and what’s reasonable for one person simply isn’t accessible for another. And I highly encourage and ask for feedback when clients or students share that an exercise isn’t working for their body — it’s the best way I can learn and make my work more inclusive. (If you can’t do something a trainer is asking you to do, and they can’t give you another option, the problem is definitely not you.)

   
   This isn’t to say, by the way, that my workouts are easy. They can be, if you need them to be, but if you take my class live or do a private session with me — or if you do a workout video and truly push yourself — it can be genuinely challenging! That’s part of the fun of my job: I get you feeling nice and comfy and then sort of trick you into working really hard. Ha!

4. I always ask for consent before offering hands-on adjustments.

   This isn’t really about aesthetics, but it’s part of my larger goal of fostering and supporting your bodily autonomy. You can’t move in a way that feels safe if someone is touching your body against your will. Hands-on adjustments can be incredibly helpful, but they can also backfire spectacularly — and that’s true both in terms of folks’ experience with trauma and abuse (and individual comfort levels with touch, regardless), and because people know their own body best. A story I heard a few years ago haunts me, about a Pilates instructor who was severely, life-threateningly injured during a teacher training because the facilitator gave her a hands-on adjustment she didn’t consent to and knew would lead to injury, because of her own injury history.
   
   I’ve learned a lot from the great Sofia Engelman of Queer Body Pilates about all of this.

   I ask for consent every time — and even if you gave me consent to touch your right hip, I’ll ask again when we turn to the left.
   

5. I’m thoughtful about form, but I encourage riffing.

   Another Engelman hit! We tend to be very concerned with “perfect form” in strength training, and of course modalities like Pilates also tend to be strict on how movements should look. But the truth is, all bodies are shaped differently and move differently. My squat is different from yours! Your roll-up is different from your neighbor’s. There are certain approaches that may better target the intended muscles and movement patterns, and of course some form issues may be more likely to lead to pain and injury. So while I keep an eye on things to make sure we’re getting at the heart of each exercise and leaving a session feeling good, I also want to let your body move the way it wants to, and not instill unnecessary fear about doing it “wrong”: or make you feel like you must engage in conformity and compliance in order to be accepted in the space. And I love seeing clients and students riff — whether because they’ve tried a different approach elsewhere and like it, or they’re confused and doing it “wrong,” but in a way that’s actually kind of smart and cool. This goes back to bodily autonomy and the idea that you know your body best, and you can figure out the version of each movement that works best for you. (Also, paternalism and “belief in one right way” are both hallmark characteristics of white supremacy culture, just saying.)

6. I remind clients to drink and eat.

   I’m not a registered dietitian, so I can’t provide individualized eating plans or detailed nutrition advice. But it is in my scope to help clients remember that food is really important! Some of us may prefer exercising on an empty stomach (totally OK if that’s you), but for most of us, having at least a bit of carbs in our stomach (whether simple carbs from a quick preworkout snack, like my favorite, a handful of Scandinavian Swimmers; or more complex carbohydrates from a meal eaten in the last 2-ish hours) will help fuel our movement and avoid feeling drained or lightheaded. And eating afterwards, especially with some protein after a strength workout, is an important way to refuel and recover. Not only is restriction a dangerous thing to recommend — it doesn’t actually serve most training goals, like building muscle, improving mood, and supporting our overall wellbeing.

7. I don’t guilt anyone about not exercising enough.

   With my weekly personal training clients, I will occasionally gently enquire about whether they’ve been able to work in other movement sessions throughout the week. But if the answer is no (and it often is), I respond with understanding. Again, I’m on “easy mode,” but the vast majority of people are not. It isn’t ideal, but it’s understandable — and that one weekly session is so much better than nothing. It’s my job to show up and help them make the most of that time; not make them feel bad about what they aren’t doing.

In my intake sessions with new training clients:

8. When I’m doing a postural and movement assessment, I explain what I’m looking for and noticing.

   This one is tricky, because if you get too specific about what you’re assessing in advance, folks will often adjust their posture or stance to try to get a “gold star.” But I’ll usually ask personal training clients to hop or bounce up and down a couple of times and then settle into a natural-feeling stance. I’ll take a very quick look and then immediately let them know what I noticed, which is basically about angles and orientations of the feet, ankles, knees, hips, and shoulders. It’s helpful and important for us both to know the starting point, but it’s also incredibly uncomfortable to feel like someone is just staring at and evaluating your body (again!) — so I want to make it clear that it isn’t a moment of judgment or anything to do with size; it’s about alignment, posture, and what we can do to help you move more comfortably.

9. I check in about people’s relationships with exercise and food.

   I’m not a mental health provider or (again) a dietitian, but it’s important for me to know whether personal training clients have disordered eating or exercise habits in their past (or present). It affects how I coach them, and helps me keep an eye out for patterns or comments that tell me they might be heading in an unhelpful direction and may need support from another provider. Again, I can’t always be the one to provide that support, but I consider myself part of the holistic network of people looking out for my clients’ wellbeing.

Overall:

10. My clients’ and readers’ goals and lifestyles are their business. Anything you’d like to share with me, I’m here to listen and support. And of course if I see or hear something concerning, I’ll check in with compassion. But I don’t judge and I really try not to preach. I absolutely have clients taking GLP-1s and pursuing intentional weight loss; none of that means I can’t stick to every single item on this list and help them feel supported and strong.

11. I’m constantly checking myself.

    Diet culture is a sneaky bitch, and I don’t assume I’m doing perfectly (ha, joke’s on me, perfectionism is very much diet culture!). I’m always reading other writers, experts, and thinkers on anti-fat bias, anti-diet exercise and nutrition, and harm reduction around eating disorders. I’m often pinging my personal anti-diet board of advisers for gut checks. And if I screw up, I fix it and do better in the future. I don’t let myself adopt an attitude that I’m the expert and I know everything. I truly don’t have all the answers, or even most of them, but luckily for me, reading, learning, and continually educating myself are my favorite parts of my job.

It may be a little hard to explain, but I’m so grateful for it.

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Two last things: First, just a reminder that registration for my May 30-day strength challenge is now open! Learn more here, including the discount code for paid subscribers, and register here.

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xo
Anna