Be honest: Is your workout routine working for you?

Ask yourself these questions to check in on your relationship with movement (part 1)

Photo by Ron Lach

The central reason why I approach fitness the way I do — teach classes, train clients, and dispense fitness advice without discussing weight loss or aesthetics — is harm reduction. Simply put, I don’t want to cause harm to folks in bigger bodies and I don’t want to trigger anyone in recovery from an eating disorder.

There are other reasons, but this really is the main one: I exercise, and teach others to do so, because I think it has such power to help us feel stronger and better in our bodies; I want to do good! Harming anyone’s mental or physical wellbeing is just so diametrically opposed to my goal in every way.

I know that this approach has an impact because you’ve told me so, many times. Just as one example, here’s a note I got from a reader named Susie: “It’s such a relief to know that Anna isn’t going to suddenly say something about weight loss or suggest movement be shame-motivated. I end up moving my body and giving my poor nervous system a break.”

These notes mean the world to me, as do the endorsements I’ve gotten from other anti-diet experts and thinkers — but at the same time, it’s a little daunting. I feel an enormous responsibility to uphold my end of this bargain and ensure that this space is as safe as possible for those of you in recovery. And the truth is, there’s only so much I can do, because diet culture and eating disorders are, frankly, sneaky-ass bitches. They can take even the kindest, most harm-reduction-oriented workout program and turn it into something toxic.

I’m not an expert in disordered eating and exercise, so when my worries about this started to boil over, I reached out to one in the How to Move community: Lauren Burke, LCSW, an Illinois-based therapist and Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor who specializes in disordered eating, body image, and helping people heal their relationships with food and movement. In a small-world, full-circle moment, Lauren credits my friend Kelsey Miller’s work (some of which I used to edit!) with kickstarting her journey of transforming her relationship with her body and thus totally changing her life and her career — and Kelsey, as it happens, is one of the people who encouraged me to launch this very newsletter.

Anyway, I messaged Lauren, who agreed to chat, and it was so helpful. I learned so much from our conversation, and we came up with a list of questions to ask yourself to help you examine your relationship with movement, and keep yourself on track in terms of pursuing exercise habits that genuinely support you — and dropping the ones that don’t.

Before we dove in, Lauren explained that her training is focused on the disordered eating space, and most of her clients haven’t been hospitalized or in an outpatient eating disorder program. (If you’re new to this stuff and that sounded confusing, it’s kind of like squares and rectangles: All people with eating disorders experience disordered eating, but not all people with disordered eating or exercise habits would qualify for an official eating disorder diagnosis.) Lauren told me, “I always think of it really on a spectrum, and to me, it doesn’t matter what level of care you start at, it’s more like, how is this impacting your functioning? What is your self-talk like? How many tabs are open in your brain that have to do with what your body looks like and what you’re eating?” For some folks, a full break from movement is critical to their recovery journey; for others, it’s more about thoughtfully navigating movement as they heal. (For more on this, Gretchen Wallace’s great post here is very helpful.)

Wherever you are in your recovery, please remember that this article — just like all content on How to Move (and the internet at large!) — is not meant to diagnose or treat any condition or disorder. Please consult a mental health or medical professional for personalized guidance, and take care with the content you consume about bodies, exercise, and food.

Okay, let’s get to the questions. This is part 1 — I’ll run part 2 next week! Subscribe now, if you aren’t already, to make sure you don’t miss it.

What’s my mood and mindset before I begin?

Life is chaotic: It’s easy to fly into a workout feeling a little frantic and eager to just get it done and get on with your day. But when your nervous system is at an 11, it’s harder to find the mind-body connection that makes a workout feel genuinely nourishing, Burke says. “Take a moment at the beginning of the workout to start that mind-body connection,” she suggests. If you feel comfortable, place your hands somewhere on your body: your legs, your heart, even one on your heart and one on your belly if it feels safe. Spend even just 30 seconds taking deep, calming breaths and checking in with how you feel. Setting this foundation can help you stay focused and centered as you get into more structured movement, and can make it easier to notice midworkout thought patterns that may not be helpful.

Am I meeting myself where I actually am in my movement sessions?

Diet culture and optimization culture send us a lot of messages about what we “should” be doing in the gym, and it can get really loud. It doesn’t count if you aren’t dying inside! Make up for lost time! You’re falling behind! Notice when those thoughts come up, and ask yourself, “What does my body really need today?”

If you’re just starting out, or starting after a long break, chances are good that you actually need very little movement: You may even benefit from just watching and thinking, without moving. Lauren told me she has a client returning from eating disorder treatment soon, and she’d like to invite the client to sit down and watch a How to Move workout together, asking things like, “What is she [Anna] doing to honor her body? What are the modifications she’s offering? What would it feel like for you to take one of those modifications and not force your body to do something that it doesn’t want to do?”

Watching a workout video before trying it — or even just walking around a gym and stretching a little before you ever do an actual workout — can also help make it easier to regulate your nervous system when you do start moving, because you know what to expect, and the specter of something new and scary gets a lot less intimidating.

When you begin, start small (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again!): Move slowly, use bodyweight or very light weights, and don’t go all-out in terms of reps and sets. Let your body adjust to the stress you’re putting on it, and give your mind time to be present.

You’ll know when it’s time to start gently pushing and even nudging into discomfort (more on that ahead). And if you try it, and your brain sends you a big “Nope!” you can take a step back until you’re ready to try again.

What kind of discomfort am I feeling? Is it okay for where I am in my recovery?

It may be that gentle movement that feels really good — like slow walking or restorative stretching — is the best option for you right now, and discomfort of any sort wouldn’t be supportive of your wellbeing. “For some people, they’re not gonna be there yet, It’s just not appropriate to be pushing it yet,” Burke says. “But for some people, it is.”

There’s value in challenging yourself when the time is right: exploring exercises, modalities, and weights that feel hard or slightly out of your comfort zone. Progressive overload (aka gradually increasing the challenge level of your workouts) is an important ingredient for building strength and cardiovascular health, if those are your goals, and there’s something very powerful about trying something difficult and discovering you’re capable of more than you realized. That said, there’s also a fine and sometimes blurry line between challenge and punishment, Burke says. “Deciphering between punishing yourself and challenging yourself in a way that still feels good in your body, like, there’s no pain with it, [can be hard],” she says. “It feels like I’m trying something new and I’m proud of myself versus I’m just making myself do it and can’t wait til it’s over.”

As we chatted, I started thinking about a few personal training clients I have who have a very cute “tell” when they’re in the challenge-not-punishment zone: They’ll start smiling! It isn’t a “This is so much fun!” smile, but it’s a “Oh my gosh, this is so hard, I can’t believe I’m doing it, and I’m proud!” smile. (Not everyone does this, but notice if you do: It’s a great sign!)

What does my inner monologue sound like during my workouts?

Moving your body can be a seriously emotional journey: It can feel great, it can feel horrible, it can bring up all kinds of other feelings we never expected — even grief. This can be especially true for those of us who have been through body changes, whether weight shifts, pregnancy and birth (or pregnancy loss), injury or illness, or a change in lifestyle such as going from being a college athlete to a mostly sedentary desk worker. Our bodies are capable of building so much strength and capacity; they’re also capable of losing it, and that loss can be very hard to deal with emotionally. Burke’s suggestion is to talk to your body like it’s a friend: Tell her (or insert other pronoun here!) you understand that it’s frustrating she can’t do a certain exercise the way she used to, but also tell her how great it is that she’s trying, and taking the time to take care of herself. “Give her grace for what she is able to do now,” Burke says.

You can return to this practice of speaking to your body like a friend if you feel other negative self-talk popping up — and if you just need a little cheering on. You’d be surprised how effective it can be to say, “I can do this! I can do this!” when you’re trying to finish that one last extra-spicy rep of a hard exercise.

Am I doing what feels like the right amount of exercise for my body right now?

You know I’m not one for being super-prescriptive about sets, reps, minutes, or even sessions of exercise — we all have different bodies, lives, and goals, and the right amount for one person may be way too much for another, and way too little for still another. But if you find yourself doing multiple workouts in a day (and you aren’t, like, a professional athlete), or stacking a bunch of workouts back-to-back so you can “make up for” a few missed days, check in with yourself. “Am I doing more than what feels right for me today?” Burke suggests asking. “Does it feel like I’m respecting my body and I’m doing it in a way that feels challenging in a good way, or again, am I punishing myself?”

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Now, if some of these questions brought up concerns for you, don’t panic: but do take some action to make adjustments and find resources that support your recovery. Burke recommends the workshops and trainings from the Center for Body Trust, the Intuitive Eating counselor directory, and the Psychology Today “find a therapist” tool. It’s not always easy to find a therapist that fits your needs and takes your insurance (or works with your budget), but please keep trying; remember that you can also start with your insurance’s online directory and research the backgrounds and profiles of therapists that accept your plan.

We’ll go over part 2 and the remaining questions next week. Thank you, Lauren!

xo
Anna