Sorry, but exercise will never be a habit for you

The truth about habit formation — and my favorite secret to moving regularly anyway

Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash

Happy New Year!

I learned something recently that made me feel a little embarrassed: Our cultural definition of what “habits” are — a definition I’ve assumed repeatedly in my own work — is way off from the behavioral science definition.

Especially this time of year, when we’re hoping our New Year’s resolutions will be successful long-term, we often talk about things like drinking more water, getting more sleep, eating more vegetables, or exercising regularly as “building healthy habits.” What we mean is, basically, we want this stuff to be stuff we do regularly.

In reality, actual habits are automatic behaviors triggered by a cue: The cue happens, and you perform the behavior without any thought or consideration. Think, I sit down in my car and immediately buckle my seatbelt. Or, I finish peeing and then wipe, stand, and flush. Obviously buckling and flushing aren’t universal (yikes/ew) — few habits probably are — but for the vast majority of people who do buckle and flush, they do so with zero conscious thought. They don’t hesitate, don’t experience resistance. They just do it, and move on.

But behavior changes like those involved in our wellbeing routines are different. They’re complicated! We not only have to set our intentions to make a positive change, we have to plan ahead: We might need some gear or materials (sneakers, dumbbells, groceries, a water bottle); we probably need to rearrange our schedule a little to make time for a workout or get into bed earlier. And, crucially, we often feel some resistance to engaging in the behavior we want — maybe at first we’re excited to try the new workouts or cook the new recipes, but before long most of us will start to drag our feet a bit. We’ll get busy, or tired, or just kind of bored with the once-shiny new routine, and it’ll take a lot more mental effort to get ourselves to engage in it.

I learned this important distinction thanks to my favorite behavior change specialist, Karin Nordin, PhD, who you may remember from some of my New Year’s pieces last year. Here’s her post about it:

@karinnordinphd

Karin Nordin, PhD | Behavior Change Expert on Instagram: "The m…

Why does it matter that these behaviors can’t technically become habits? As Dr. Nordin points out, expecting a complex health-related behavior to become an actual habit is bound to lead to disappointment. It’s just not realistic for things like exercise to become automatic. There isn’t really a cue, although you can sort of artificially build them (like sleeping in your workout clothes so you remember to jump right into your workout when you wake up) — but they aren’t usually as powerful as the cues for *actual* habits. Even as a fitness professional, I often have to drag myself to the gym, and there are certainly many days when I simply don’t make it (or I do, but I can only muster the bare minimum). That’s okay! It’s life. It’s reality. The important thing is knowing that missed or half-assed days don’t mean failure: They mean you’ll try again next time, because you’re playing the long game.

The other reason it matters that behaviors like exercise aren’t automatic habits is that treating them accordingly gives you the chance to plan ahead, adjust your mindset, and set yourself up for a higher likelihood of success. As Dr. Nordin suggested in our interview a year ago, it’s helpful to anticipate and plan for your likely mental objections. You can even prepare little scripts for yourself:

“If your brain says, ‘I’m too tired,’ you say, ‘I’m tired, and I can do hard things while I’m tired.’”

Unpacking your all-or-nothing thinking (aka redefining what “counts”) can be a big help here, too.

But there’s another big secret to making your desired health-related behaviors a sustainable reality: Find ways to make them craveable. (A bunch of the Optimization Bros who write about “habits” are big into this, which makes me raise an eyebrow, but I actually do think it’s true.)

In an ideal world, your health-promoting behaviors (trying sooo hard not to call them habits!) would be intrinsically motivated — you nourish yourself, prioritize sleep, and exercise regularly because they all feel so good and you enjoy them. But in the real world, these behaviors can be difficult to stick with, for the aforementioned reasons and more, long enough for us to start to notice those intrinsic rewards. Creating little external rewards can be a great way to stay motivated, and, research suggests, may actually help build a bridge to intrinsic motivation. As the authors of this research review from last year put it, “[E]xtrinsic rewards can help set in motion the positive feedback loop of internally rewarding learning processes.” (The review, from the journal Learning and Instruction, specifically looked at studies about motivating students in educational settings, but I don’t think it’s a huge leap to extrapolate a bit here.)

So: How can we tap into the power of rewards that make us crave behaviors like exercise, even if we aren’t feeling the positive, intrinsic benefits (or at least not yet)?

I have ideas! I think the real key here is that the reward can be something kind of big (like finding a workout buddy or investing in really cute, comfy workout gear), but it absolutely doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be a matter of simply engaging in a tiny bit of mindfulness and noticing the parts of your movement routine that feel especially delightful.

• Find a smoothie recipe you absolutely love, and make one for yourself after every workout. (Here’s mine: oat milk; frozen blueberries, bananas, and spinach; peanut butter; cacao nibs; ground ginger; protein powder.)

• Get a really nice mat to use with your workouts. I finally upgraded from my ancient, gross freebie mat last year and it felt so good to have a high-quality mat under me while I exercised! (It’s from Manduka — I think it’s the GRP Adapt — and I almost can’t believe how expensive it is, but just so nice.)

• Or, get a really lovely mat spray to clean your mat before you exercise. The scent itself can feel centering and motivating. (I love this one — my colleagues at Refinery29 and I used to spray it around our desk area when we needed a vibe reset. Not an affiliate link!)

• Find an extremely addictive podcast or TV show and only let yourself listen or watch while you lift or use the treadmill. (Favorites? Share them in the comments!)

• Is there a specific stretch, exercise, or activity that you really effing love to do? Tack it on to the end of every workout (a 5-minute cardio burst; a delicious mermaid stretch) and savor how good it feels.

• Use a body scrub during (or dry brush just before) your post-workout shower. IDK why, but sweating followed by exfoliation is soooo invigorating for me.

• Do a little mindfulness exercise and notice what’s great about your workout space at home, or the studio or gym you go to: Maybe you love the way the sunlight streams in, the calming paint color, the fancy soap in the bathroom, or the amusingly weird soundtrack. (I swear my gym was playing a club remix of Barber’s Adagio for Strings the other day, which was both disturbing and extremely intriguing. My Spotify algorithm would never!) Notice it, savor it, and look forward to experiencing it next time.

This post by the wonderful emma specter is a master class in noticing and appreciating all the little great things about an exercise routine:

everything i've gotten from doing pilates for almost two years

The room is clean and nicely lit! The people are pleasant! The parking is easy! The water tastes great!

These may seem like small things, but they’re absolutely huge if you take the time to observe and enjoy them.

So: Exercise (and other healthy behaviors) may not become automatic habits. But we can get pretty close.

I’d love to know: What do you crave about your workout? What do you notice about your movement routine that might feel rewarding if you more mindfully observe and appreciate it? What might you try adding that could make movement more craveable?

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Speaking of creating a rewarding, craveable routine: This is officially your LAST CALL to register for the 30-day winter strength challenge! Sign up here. You can find a discount code for paid subscribers at the end of this post all about the challenge. We begin this coming Sunday, January 4. Hope to see you there!

A fun, challenging, and friendly way to get stronger this winter

xoxo
Anna