How to get comfy in the weight room (or at least a little less intimidated)
Barbells, here you come
Before I get into the post today, a quick note: I’ve heard from a subscriber or two who are having trouble playing my videos in the Substack app. Eek! I’m really sorry to hear that and will be working with Substack to try to fix this ASAP. In the meantime, if you can navigate in your web browser to howtomove.substack.com (you may need to login to Substack within the browser as well, argh), you should be able to watch those videos in the browser. Huge apologies for any inconvenience and hope to have this sorted out very soon!
My earliest memories of being in a weight room are not happy ones. In junior high gym class (already a nightmare) we had a weight lifting unit (double nightmare) that took place in a weight room used primarily, I think, by the boys’ football team (infinite nightmare). It was poorly lit and humid, it smelled disgusting, every movement we tried was hard and uncomfortable for me, and even as an already-firmly-established unathletic kid, I felt somehow more embarrassed and awkward than usual. It just wasn’t a place where I was meant to be.
The next time I touched a barbell was probably 15 years later, when I joined my neighborhood CrossFit gym. And in case you think I’m going to tell you I sailed in there feeling breezy and confident, do not worry: I was terrified! Not to go into too much TMI, but I had what I’ll gently call “tummy trouble” every single time I walked into that gym for the first at least six weeks.
Luckily, the owner and coach, Maillard Howell (who is — spoiler! — now a dear friend of mine) was very kind and thoughtful and started us at the very beginning, learning the basic movements using a PVC pipe and, when we were ready, an empty bar.
(You might remember Maillard from this great conversation about lunges:)
Then, for a few years, I loved using barbells. I felt incredibly badass. I got incredibly strong. I even did Olympic weightlifting for about a year and learned to move a barbell from the floor up over my head, which was terrifying and exhilarating. I was not good at it, but I loved it. I was spending hours a week in, yes, a smelly gym filled with intimidatingly athletic people, and actually having an amazing time doing it. This was my place.
And then life happened, and I fell off the barbell wagon.
It’s now been a very long time, and I’ve really missed the weight room. But at the same time, those old feelings of intimidation have creeped back in. In my local gym, the big weights are downstairs, and every so often I’ll find myself craning my neck to peek into the space and see who’s down there and what they’re doing. But I haven’t felt confident enough to try it on my own.
Then, my best friend Lauren Cherney decided to join my gym (we live two blocks away from each other, so it’s also her neighborhood gym!), and she asked if I’d like to brave the weight room together. I was so excited — I just knew having a buddy would be the ticket. We did our first barbell workout last week, and Lauren kindly agreed to let me interview her about it the next day, in case our experience and advice might be helpful to you. Maybe you’re already hanging out in there and don’t really need this, but maybe you’re like us and just need a little push to give it a try (or get back to it). Or maybe you’ve never even considered it, but you’re starting to feel barbell-curious. The TLDR: I know it can be intimidating, but the space IS for you. Use it!
Here’s our conversation, which we conducted via Slack. Also, here’s a cute picture of us hanging out in our friend’s ridiculously large bathtub. No weight room selfies, we were already nervous enough as it was!
Me: I loved when you mentioned a couple months ago that you were joining my gym and wanted to go into the big-kid weight room together. I know we both used to do CrossFit and use barbells and we really miss it! But I feel like we both got off that wagon, maybe for different reasons. My breakup with barbells sort of intersected with trying to conceive and then getting pregnant, and then for a long time just not having a lot of time — when you're lifting heavy you need longer rest times, you can't gamble with the possibility that you'll have to wait for a platform to free up, etc. I needed to get in, throw some dumbbells around, and get out. But I've really been missing it.
Do you want to share a little about why you wanted to get back to it? (And maybe what took you away from barbells in the first place?)
Lauren: What took me out of barbell lifting was mainly just lack of access + a healthy dose of nerves/impostor syndrome. I moved away from the Upper East Side, where I did CrossFit, and out of my corporate office job, where I had a gym membership, at the same time that I got pregnant and moved to Brooklyn. (I signed my first Brooklyn lease the same day I saw those two pink lines!) I was so sick those first months of pregnancy, and then had a baby and then life! I honestly talked myself out of lifting really heavy things, assuming that because I'd been away for so long, and my body had changed too much, that it would be too hard/embarrassing/I'd hurt myself if I tried.
I also think that barbell lifting can feel really hard to get into — if you want to take a class, it is usually CrossFit, which can be WAY too intense for some people/comes with a lot of preconceived (often negative) notions. Personal training is always an option, but it can be hard to find a trainer, especially one who will train with barbells (especially as a woman), not to mention that the cost can feel like a barrier.
Covid plays a role too, as it always does. I remember thinking that after my second kid, I’d get back to heavy lifting, but well before I was healed enough to step foot in a gym, the world shut down. This is when I really resumed my workout journey in earnest, for the first time since I was pregnant with my first, but it was all at home! I really think working out at home helped me develop some confidence and feel strong again, something that would have felt much scarier to do out in public, but I think it took my latest milestone birthday to really push me to get back to barbells.
I’ve been really wanting to get back into it for a while now, for a few reasons. I feel like more than ever, I am getting the message that as women age, we should lift heavy stuff. I also feel like as I age, I become more self confident, or perhaps just care less about what other people think (likely a healthy combination of the two), and I am happy to take up space — especially in traditionally male-dominated areas like the free weight section of the gym.
Me: Covid totally played a role. I have loved getting back into the IRL gym after years of at-home workouts, but something about taking up that space in a male-dominated environment definitely has felt daunting. It's been nice to peek downstairs and see more diversity in the weight room the last couple of years, though. Made me feel a little less nervous, though still nervous. That messaging is really getting out there, which I love!
I think one of the things that can feel daunting is just the logistics of the weights. I theoretically know my way around a barbell, but the rigs they have in our gym are slightly different from the ones I was used to, so it took me a second to figure out how to adjust the rack thingies so they were the right height for us (luckily we're about the same height!). Those little things are totally normal to have to troubleshoot a little but I felt like, if there were too many of those things where I was fumbling around, I'd just be really embarrassed and out of place. It was so helpful to have you there!
How did you feel walking in yesterday?
Lauren: I felt ok yesterday because you were there! Partially because I know you know what you are doing, but also because having a buddy makes me care so much less if someone is looking at me/judging me. Strength (ha) in numbers, I think.
Also I do see badass women down there a lot. They are intimidating in a different way, but at least I don’t feel judged in a gross way. I really think this was a benefit of that women’s only gym from the ‘80s/’90s. (Curves, maybe? What a TERRIBLE name.) I'm not even sure they had weights, which is sad (they may have, though), and I don't want to gender spaces at all, but I do get the draw!
The other day I was doing a bent over row, and looked up and realized you could see all the way down my shirt, and there were men on either side of me and I felt SO GROSS. And I have tiny boobs! I can't imagine how women with larger boobs feel! This is another whole post for sure, and probably one that would be very difficult to tackle, but feels like walking home at night with you vs. alone — just feels better!
Are you sore today? I am, but not a ton, just the good sore feeling!
Me: I was seriously so glad you were with me. Even just showing up downstairs and seeing that all the squat racks were taken — if I'd been alone I would have just been like WELP, I guess it's back to the dumbbell area for me. But we just waited around for a few minutes and chatted and it was no big deal. Also, I didn't feel like anyone was really looking at us or judging us even though they all seemed a lot more serious than we were. (That's partly because we were together and being our goofy-ass selves and partly because I always think everyone else is more serious in the gym than I am.)
I am sore today! Which is not something I usually feel these days. Just to recap, we did squats, deadlifts, overhead press, and bench press (though we used dumbbells for bench press — both because there were no bench press spots available and because I personally can't yet press the empty bar lol!). And we started the squats with an empty bar, then added some plates. I really noticed my little gut instinct to add MORE weight and push myself as far as possible and was like nooooope! I had to overrule that and stick with the starting point we chose, which really was plenty heavy! If we'd added more weight than that I think I would have that outrageous, wrecked, feel-like-I-have-the-flu kind of soreness, so I'm proud of us for resisting that pressure to go higher. [Edited to add: I got even more sore a day or two later, so I was extra-glad we’d kept the weight reasonable.]
The first place I felt sore yesterday was my hands and wrists. This is part of what I love about lifting heavy, is your grip gets such a serious challenge. I took a pic of my little calluses, haha. I think we both agreed that the grip was the limiting factor for our deadlifts!
Was there anything that surprised you about the experience, or how you're feeling today?
Lauren: I know, I probably would have given up if I'd been alone and saw that the area was full too!
I definitely felt my grip going first yesterday too, which was surprising at first, because I feel like I am usually ok with dumbbells and was ok with my grip back when I was lifting 10 years ago, but it makes total sense!
I am the level of sore that I love, just enough to notice it when I move, and it makes me feel strong! Not so sore I feel like I need medicine or can't sit down on/get up from the toilet . I do think if we’d gone harder on the weight, I’d have been a mess.
It brings to mind a few points you have made before: it is good enough, you don't need to max out every time, it is a process — all those helpful things that we should keep in mind, but so often don’t!
Me: Yes! Especially for the first time. Honestly just walking into that space on its own is a huge first step and would have been enough progress for one day. Or like… exercising nearby and kind of watching what people are doing (in a non-creepy way).
We're excited to lift super heavy shit and we will get there if we stick with it! But it doesn't have to happen immediately, and really shouldn't. So much better to ease in and not get wrecked.
What advice do you have for people who are navigating a weight room for the first time? I have a bunch of thoughts but I'm sure you have others.
Scope it out and figure out how it works to get a squat rack/platform. I'm sure some gyms have some kind of reservation system. (Ours doesn't, you just sometimes have to wait for one.)
Learn how to put plates on and take them off, especially for deadlifts and other lifts from the ground.
When you're setting up the rig for squats, place the little rack thingies at about chest height or just below shoulder height. To get under it for a back squat, face the rack, put your hands on the bar a bit past shoulder-width apart, then duck underneath the bar and put it on your back. (Kinda press your elbows back to get a bit more fleshiness up at the top of your shoulders/upper back to rest the bar on.) Then stand and lift the bar off the rack, and take a big step back for your squats. When you're done lifting, smack the rig! Step forward and feel the bar bump into the rack on both sides, then duck down slightly to set it into the little racks.
For front squats, same idea, just place your hands on the bar, get underneath it, stand, and take a big step back to squat. When you’re done, smack the rig, dip down until you feel the rack catch the bar, and then exit.
There may be more than one type of barbell available. The bigger bars are 45 pounds; the smaller bars (aka "women's bars" ughhhh) are 33 pounds. There are sometimes also "training bars" that are around 15 pounds. Start with whatever you feel most comfortable with, and do not hesitate to do your lifts with an empty bar (AKA without adding any weight). Just getting used to how it feels to hold a bar, etc.|
If you're working out with a friend, just be a little conscious of where you're standing between lifts to make sure you aren't in someone else's way, especially if the lifting area of your gym is small. You don't have to be nervous about taking up space — you deserve to be there — just be a good citizen.
Anything to add?
Lauren: Bringing a buddy is huge, but I know not always an option for folks.
In theory, the gym staff should be able to show you around the space, including specifics about this area. I thought about asking, but I was definitely hesitant. I'm not sure this is a helpful tip for someone who is already anxious about all of this, but I can see it helping some people to know that the gym staff are (should be) there to help you!
Have a plan before you go — just in general, but especially if you are lifting heavy things.
Maybe practice with one of those PVC pipes if they have them, or even a broom! I feel like some of the lifts feel so awkward, and if you are doing them with any weight for the first time, it can be scary!
Me: That’s a good point about bringing a buddy; it's an easy thing to recommend but even if you have lots of buddies schedules and location and stuff can be really hard to work out!
I should also mention our other gym plan which I think is brilliant and I truly hope we execute, which is walking on treadmills next to each other while watching RHONY, which we kept meaning to watch together this season but couldn't because we'd just talk and hang out instead of watching.
Lauren: This winter we will definitely be walking! I was thinking today about how much walking I've been doing lately, and how I won't do it at all in the winter, so I will need to get on a treadmill!
Me: Let's do it and keep lifting! Thank you for being my buddy for all this!
***
Thank you, Lauren, for being the best! And speaking of which, you guys know I like to brag about how cool my friends are, and Lauren is no exception: She is an incredibly talented, thoughtful, and organized travel advisor — she has such amazing taste and really understands how to put together a trip that works for everyone involved, whether it’s a couples thing, friends’ getaway, a vacation with kids, or an intergenerational trip. Cannot recommend her services enough! (She did not ask me to say this and I bet she’ll be sorta embarrassed about it; sorry not sorry, girl!) Learn more about her work here!
Let us know what other questions you have about the weight room, and if you’re already on the barbell train, please feel free to share what’s been most helpful to you!
xo
Anna
Obviously this depends on budget, but I hired a personal trainer when I started lifting (partly because but not limited to a guy telling me I was lifting the barbell wrong). I had never tried lifting in my life, apart from some light dumbbells I used to lift when watching TV, so booked some sessions. It was hard and awkward and sometimes it still feels hard and awkward, but now I mostly feel excited about seeing my strength progress, and I know what I'm doing!