I love this. Honestly, I struggle to explain to others why I find fitness advice with prescriptions, like "everyone needs 10k steps" to be so toxic and unhelpful. "Aren't goals necessary and helpful? Don't most of us need to move more?!" I feel like this dude bro more extreme and obviously wrong version, that is still basically the same thing as "everyone can and needs to get 45 minites of level 2 cardio 4 times a week to be healthy," and then your AMAZING reframe, illuminated the point so much better. What if we had goals that actually helped us get strong, recognizing the diversity of human bodies and human health, rather than discouraged and gate kept and continued to foster lack of trust and faith in our own bodies? I was skeptical of your headline and then loved the piece... Thank you!!!
OMG “What if we had goals that actually helped us get strong, recognizing the diversity of human bodies and human health, rather than discouraged and gate kept and continued to foster lack of trust and faith in our own bodies?” So beautiful.
And yes! IMO the big problem with these benchmarks (whether it’s how much we can lift or how much time we’re spending exercising) is that, if they feel unrealistic or out of reach for us, we tend to just sort of shut down. I’ll never get there, so I’m doomed, so why even try. Our all-or-nothing thinking gets us every time!
Thanks for a thoughtful post! I’m an at home exerciser and want to lift heavier weights. What’s an economical way to do that/that won’t take up too much space. What do you recommend? Thanks!
The tricky part is that you have to adjust the weights every time you switch exercises, which means that things like circuit training (i.e. how I usually structure my workouts for HTM) can be sort of annoying. You may end up deciding to re-order the workouts so that similar-weight exercises are done consecutively, or even just do multiple sets of each individual exercise before moving to the next.
As always, I love your attitude and approach. I'm feeling motivated to add some of these as longer term goals!
I love that you're asking the question on making workouts more fun- adults shouldn't underestimate our needs for fun, whimsy and joy. As a fellow non-sporty, gym class hating kid, I started regularly working out in my mid 20's thanks to "Derby Lite"- a group skating class based on the principles of roller derby. I had no idea exercise could make me feel like that (happy, motivated, proud, I could go on). 15-ish years later I am still grateful for learning that and developing a positive relationship with moving my body as a result.
I might be abnormal but I think doing hard things can be a lot of fun. I like pushing myself to hit (reasonable) goals and the progressive overload approach you suggest here has fit in nicely with that. Of course wearing fun clothes (I'm talking neon socks, tanks with unicorns that say "dismantle the patriarchy" etc.) and listening to good music while working out helps too!
Beautiful! Well said! I was thinking about this the other night when I'd been too sick to finish my February goal for the monthly strength training. And then I had to take my wild 4 year old outside a restaurant to blow off steam, and he invented a crazy obstacle course that was SO fun and by far the best workout I've had.... maybe as an adult?! 😆 What if we just had fun!!
The psychological return on doing something physically hard, really hard, not just uncomfortable, is wildly underrated. Thank you for bringing it in. I loved your article.
My background is in coaching midlife women, and I broke my arm badly enough at 44 to need surgery and lose function for a long time. First pull-up came three years later. What I remember most isn't the achievement. It's the specific feeling of realizing that the version of me I thought was gone is still here, and it's stronger.
That's what I see in the women I work with. And honestly, in my own mum. She's 70, started going to the gym six months ago, terrified of getting hurt. Progressive arthritis had taken small things from her--opening a water bottle, that kind of thing. She built her strength slowly, carefully, and now she can do those things again.
It sounds small. But the water bottle isn't really about the water bottle. It's about what you believe is still possible for you.
The pull-up, the deadlift, whatever it is, it's never really about the thing. It's about updating a belief that had quietly gone unchallenged.
This really resonates! I, too, was not a sporty kid, did not enjoy gym class, and I’m quick to say/assume I can’t do physical activities. Parenting highlighted this for me! When my kid gets frustrated they’re not immediately good at something, and I say of course you’re not! It’s your first try! And then realizing, oh, I do this same thing all the time. Working on it!
Arthritis question: how can we manage lifting/gripping heavier and heavier weights if we have arthritis in our hands? Thank you so much for taking on the thorny arthritis questions!
I 100% agree with this. And yes, I was immediately triggered when I saw this (the OG post, not your response) because I despise it when muscle bros try to shame women around physical or athletic feats.
Like you, I also think that the underlying message (not his, because he's an asshole) but what you pulled from it, is that these are areas we all can and perhaps should, work on in our physical fitness.
I look at the push-ups, for example, and while I am really strong, push-ups have always been a struggle. But doing them on an incline has made them both more accessible and more appealing.
There are so many ways to make movement/fitness more accommodating, while still creating challenge.
I wish more people in movement would focus on that.
yes, 100% modifications should really be shown more because a lot of people need them. If we want to get more people into fitness, why are we catering what you should be doing to what beginners can't typically do?
I think this is a great point. And I would simply add that a skilled teacher can offer a range of options without making it weird. There are plenty of people who are new to yoga/weight lifting/pilates/(insert workout style here) who are actually quite capable of doing more "challenging" options, while others need a lot more support or things to be scaled way back. The key is to give a range so everyone feels seen and cared for. This is a real skill. People think teaching beginners is easy but I think it's way harder than teaching folks who have been doing movement for years.
Okay, can an obese, 62-year old woman with type 2 diabetes get in shape? I’m one of those who consistently failed the physical fitness assessments (I still have a grudge against the flexed arm hang, where i was timed at 1/10th of a second, and that is NOT an exaggeration!)
I truly believe we all have the ability to find movement that supports our wellbeing. It doesn’t make sense to me to hold everyone to the same metric (what does “in shape” actually mean?), but it’s always worth asking: If I’m not moving at all, how can I add a tiny little bit of movement to my routine and be curious how it feels to keep it going for a few weeks? If I’m consistently doing a tiny little bit, is there a way to add a bit more? If I’m moving, can I gently challenge myself to try a slightly more difficult version of what I’m doing? (And be patient if that version doesn’t work?)
My advice is not to get too caught up in external definitions of what “enough” looks like (or what “fit” looks like, for that matter) — do the bare minimum that you can do consistently, and sustain for a long time, and not drive yourself nuts about, and then see what it feels like to very, very slowly add more if you can.
I absolutely loved reading this! And I'm so glad to find someone like me who was also a nerdy music kid who hated PE class turned personal trainer! I definitely feel like we have this superpower of being able to help normal people who maybe didn't have a great relationship with fitness growing up. I like how you took something that was obviously rage bait and made it more realistic for the day to day person. I also love the little notes and reminders that everyone is different!
One of the most amazing things I got out of starting with a personal trainer is realizing just how much I can lift if I'm not afraid to try. It is still hard to make it to the gym with two young kids but it feels so rewarding - I don't care what the number of pounds is, I just care that I keep working on it.
I was repeatedly told I am 'not athletic' by PE teachers constantly as a kid, and neither of my parents are particularly into exercise, apart from walking, so for years I didn't see myself that way. The only joy in movement I found was swimming, which I actually did when I was young, and loved until my school stopped lessons and the local pool I went to closed. I have a limited range of motion and can't touch my toes, which I have a real inferiority complex over. However, I have grown to love running and strength training (or rather, the feeling after doing those things!). Still, though, I have the mental block of 'this is good for someone not athletic' and balk at completing that list - or even getting off the floor without using my hands! Little by little, I'll get there.
Love this — really solid info! I’m building a page called Rational Wellness where we talk physiology, wellness, and practical habits. If that vibe fits you, please come check it out, thanks!
I’m always terrified of weights at the gym because of SI joint issues. My leg days consist of mostly banded work. Any suggestions for safely working on legs or any other muscle while protecting SI joint?
That fear can be so real! My biggest rec is to find a great PT that you really trust — and whose approach incorporates movement (in addition to manual work), and tell them that you’d like to work your way toward being able to lift weights comfortably and confidently. Get to the bottom of those SI joint issues first, get some expert guidance on how to build the stability you need, and I bet some of that anxiety and fear will subside. (Bands are a really great approach for now, though!)
By PT did you mean physio or personal trainer! I’ve been to both and my physio told me to stick to swimming and yoga. But sometime a girl just wants to go on a job or try to deadlift something.
A physio! It sounds like you might want to shop around for another provider and another opinion. Certainly keeping things more gentle during an active pain flare makes sense! But if you have a long-term movement goal, I strongly believe a good PT should be able to help you find a path there.
I love this. Honestly, I struggle to explain to others why I find fitness advice with prescriptions, like "everyone needs 10k steps" to be so toxic and unhelpful. "Aren't goals necessary and helpful? Don't most of us need to move more?!" I feel like this dude bro more extreme and obviously wrong version, that is still basically the same thing as "everyone can and needs to get 45 minites of level 2 cardio 4 times a week to be healthy," and then your AMAZING reframe, illuminated the point so much better. What if we had goals that actually helped us get strong, recognizing the diversity of human bodies and human health, rather than discouraged and gate kept and continued to foster lack of trust and faith in our own bodies? I was skeptical of your headline and then loved the piece... Thank you!!!
OMG “What if we had goals that actually helped us get strong, recognizing the diversity of human bodies and human health, rather than discouraged and gate kept and continued to foster lack of trust and faith in our own bodies?” So beautiful.
And yes! IMO the big problem with these benchmarks (whether it’s how much we can lift or how much time we’re spending exercising) is that, if they feel unrealistic or out of reach for us, we tend to just sort of shut down. I’ll never get there, so I’m doomed, so why even try. Our all-or-nothing thinking gets us every time!
Thanks for a thoughtful post! I’m an at home exerciser and want to lift heavier weights. What’s an economical way to do that/that won’t take up too much space. What do you recommend? Thanks!
This isn’t easy! I know that at least one of my subscribers uses a set of adjustable dumbbells — where you can add and remove little plates like you would for a dumbbell. I’ll ask her if she’s liking the set she got! I also just came across this set, which seems pretty amazing because it also allows you to sort of “create” a kettlebell and a barbell when needed: https://www.garvee.com/products/garvee-adjustable-dumbbell-88lb-home-gym-pss_33ckkjc9?currency=USD&variant=51932797960505&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&stkn=a4d54fcf0a5c&tw_source=google&tw_adid=&tw_campaign=23558418865&tw_kwdid=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23548608195&gbraid=0AAAAA9webyNuVnL8i4UuP1aa0IMBBMWUz&gclid=CjwKCAiAzZ_NBhAEEiwAMtqKy3EOpYZN6mAbyZi84YwAfdhrB3Xs0PtGx9GvyukpBQxBfVBWjiJPFxoCCCMQAvD_BwE
The tricky part is that you have to adjust the weights every time you switch exercises, which means that things like circuit training (i.e. how I usually structure my workouts for HTM) can be sort of annoying. You may end up deciding to re-order the workouts so that similar-weight exercises are done consecutively, or even just do multiple sets of each individual exercise before moving to the next.
As always, I love your attitude and approach. I'm feeling motivated to add some of these as longer term goals!
I love that you're asking the question on making workouts more fun- adults shouldn't underestimate our needs for fun, whimsy and joy. As a fellow non-sporty, gym class hating kid, I started regularly working out in my mid 20's thanks to "Derby Lite"- a group skating class based on the principles of roller derby. I had no idea exercise could make me feel like that (happy, motivated, proud, I could go on). 15-ish years later I am still grateful for learning that and developing a positive relationship with moving my body as a result.
I might be abnormal but I think doing hard things can be a lot of fun. I like pushing myself to hit (reasonable) goals and the progressive overload approach you suggest here has fit in nicely with that. Of course wearing fun clothes (I'm talking neon socks, tanks with unicorns that say "dismantle the patriarchy" etc.) and listening to good music while working out helps too!
Beautiful! Well said! I was thinking about this the other night when I'd been too sick to finish my February goal for the monthly strength training. And then I had to take my wild 4 year old outside a restaurant to blow off steam, and he invented a crazy obstacle course that was SO fun and by far the best workout I've had.... maybe as an adult?! 😆 What if we just had fun!!
"adults shouldn't underestimate our needs for fun, whimsy and joy" -- YESSSS
The psychological return on doing something physically hard, really hard, not just uncomfortable, is wildly underrated. Thank you for bringing it in. I loved your article.
My background is in coaching midlife women, and I broke my arm badly enough at 44 to need surgery and lose function for a long time. First pull-up came three years later. What I remember most isn't the achievement. It's the specific feeling of realizing that the version of me I thought was gone is still here, and it's stronger.
That's what I see in the women I work with. And honestly, in my own mum. She's 70, started going to the gym six months ago, terrified of getting hurt. Progressive arthritis had taken small things from her--opening a water bottle, that kind of thing. She built her strength slowly, carefully, and now she can do those things again.
It sounds small. But the water bottle isn't really about the water bottle. It's about what you believe is still possible for you.
The pull-up, the deadlift, whatever it is, it's never really about the thing. It's about updating a belief that had quietly gone unchallenged.
This really resonates! I, too, was not a sporty kid, did not enjoy gym class, and I’m quick to say/assume I can’t do physical activities. Parenting highlighted this for me! When my kid gets frustrated they’re not immediately good at something, and I say of course you’re not! It’s your first try! And then realizing, oh, I do this same thing all the time. Working on it!
Oh gosh, isn’t parenting so eye-opening for this kind of thing?
It really is.
This rules. Can we rework the entire Internet this way? Thank you, Anna!!!
Haha, let's!!
Arthritis question: how can we manage lifting/gripping heavier and heavier weights if we have arthritis in our hands? Thank you so much for taking on the thorny arthritis questions!
Such a great question. I will ask her! Thank you! Don't hesitate to DM if any others come to mind.
I 100% agree with this. And yes, I was immediately triggered when I saw this (the OG post, not your response) because I despise it when muscle bros try to shame women around physical or athletic feats.
Like you, I also think that the underlying message (not his, because he's an asshole) but what you pulled from it, is that these are areas we all can and perhaps should, work on in our physical fitness.
I look at the push-ups, for example, and while I am really strong, push-ups have always been a struggle. But doing them on an incline has made them both more accessible and more appealing.
There are so many ways to make movement/fitness more accommodating, while still creating challenge.
I wish more people in movement would focus on that.
yes, 100% modifications should really be shown more because a lot of people need them. If we want to get more people into fitness, why are we catering what you should be doing to what beginners can't typically do?
I think this is a great point. And I would simply add that a skilled teacher can offer a range of options without making it weird. There are plenty of people who are new to yoga/weight lifting/pilates/(insert workout style here) who are actually quite capable of doing more "challenging" options, while others need a lot more support or things to be scaled way back. The key is to give a range so everyone feels seen and cared for. This is a real skill. People think teaching beginners is easy but I think it's way harder than teaching folks who have been doing movement for years.
yes we need more options for the various types of people! great addition!
Okay, can an obese, 62-year old woman with type 2 diabetes get in shape? I’m one of those who consistently failed the physical fitness assessments (I still have a grudge against the flexed arm hang, where i was timed at 1/10th of a second, and that is NOT an exaggeration!)
That flexed arm hang is CRUEL!
I truly believe we all have the ability to find movement that supports our wellbeing. It doesn’t make sense to me to hold everyone to the same metric (what does “in shape” actually mean?), but it’s always worth asking: If I’m not moving at all, how can I add a tiny little bit of movement to my routine and be curious how it feels to keep it going for a few weeks? If I’m consistently doing a tiny little bit, is there a way to add a bit more? If I’m moving, can I gently challenge myself to try a slightly more difficult version of what I’m doing? (And be patient if that version doesn’t work?)
My advice is not to get too caught up in external definitions of what “enough” looks like (or what “fit” looks like, for that matter) — do the bare minimum that you can do consistently, and sustain for a long time, and not drive yourself nuts about, and then see what it feels like to very, very slowly add more if you can.
I absolutely loved reading this! And I'm so glad to find someone like me who was also a nerdy music kid who hated PE class turned personal trainer! I definitely feel like we have this superpower of being able to help normal people who maybe didn't have a great relationship with fitness growing up. I like how you took something that was obviously rage bait and made it more realistic for the day to day person. I also love the little notes and reminders that everyone is different!
OMG kindred spirits! Thank you for this lovely comment. It really is a super power, I think!
One of the most amazing things I got out of starting with a personal trainer is realizing just how much I can lift if I'm not afraid to try. It is still hard to make it to the gym with two young kids but it feels so rewarding - I don't care what the number of pounds is, I just care that I keep working on it.
Gosh that’s beautiful. And feels applicable to so many things!
people underestimate how much having a motivational support person in your circle has on your training and progress!
I was repeatedly told I am 'not athletic' by PE teachers constantly as a kid, and neither of my parents are particularly into exercise, apart from walking, so for years I didn't see myself that way. The only joy in movement I found was swimming, which I actually did when I was young, and loved until my school stopped lessons and the local pool I went to closed. I have a limited range of motion and can't touch my toes, which I have a real inferiority complex over. However, I have grown to love running and strength training (or rather, the feeling after doing those things!). Still, though, I have the mental block of 'this is good for someone not athletic' and balk at completing that list - or even getting off the floor without using my hands! Little by little, I'll get there.
Hmm. Interesting.
I substitute sun salutations for Burpees because they're less jarring on my joints and seem to accomplish something similar.
That’s a GREAT substitute!
I'm gonna steal this!
Love this — really solid info! I’m building a page called Rational Wellness where we talk physiology, wellness, and practical habits. If that vibe fits you, please come check it out, thanks!
I’m always terrified of weights at the gym because of SI joint issues. My leg days consist of mostly banded work. Any suggestions for safely working on legs or any other muscle while protecting SI joint?
That fear can be so real! My biggest rec is to find a great PT that you really trust — and whose approach incorporates movement (in addition to manual work), and tell them that you’d like to work your way toward being able to lift weights comfortably and confidently. Get to the bottom of those SI joint issues first, get some expert guidance on how to build the stability you need, and I bet some of that anxiety and fear will subside. (Bands are a really great approach for now, though!)
By PT did you mean physio or personal trainer! I’ve been to both and my physio told me to stick to swimming and yoga. But sometime a girl just wants to go on a job or try to deadlift something.
A physio! It sounds like you might want to shop around for another provider and another opinion. Certainly keeping things more gentle during an active pain flare makes sense! But if you have a long-term movement goal, I strongly believe a good PT should be able to help you find a path there.