I can only do four of these 10 things women should supposedly be able to do in the gym

Does it matter?

Photo by Aleksander Saks on Unsplash

I often say that I’m a bit of a misfit as a personal trainer.

As a kid, I despised sports: playing them, watching them, observing the frenzy of adulation around other kids who did them. (Where were all these rabid fans during my orchestra concerts, hmm??) I’d do anything to get out of gym class, where I was always picked last, obviously. I consistently failed every component of the Presidential Fitness Test. Aside from about a year of ballet classes when I was 5, I couldn’t dance.

My body felt mostly like an inconvenient source of embarrassment, and I didn’t consider doing anything to nurture or care for it. To move or challenge it, on purpose? Never.

I did, of course, eventually become a trainer — if you don’t already know the story and want to, you can hear it here — and my relationship with my body has changed dramatically. And now, that old awkward, unathletic, out-of-place feeling is actually my superpower. I know what it feels like to struggle. Exercise doesn’t come naturally to me. As much as I do challenge myself now, I’m not capable of a lot of the cool things some of my colleagues in fitness can do. Yes, I am thin and not currently disabled, so I have a lot of fitness privilege, but I’m also in no way preternaturally gifted when it comes to movement. So when I’m guiding someone else through their own workout, I really see them: I’ve lived the “no clue what I’m doing” experience; though I actually do mostly know what I’m doing now, lots of things still feel really tough, or even out of reach. I’m sweating and quaking right alongside you in those workouts of the week.

That’s why I had to laugh when this post came up in my feed:

Now, we all know that this kind of post is pretty much designed to be ragebait — it’s exactly the same thing as that Mel Robbins podcast episode where a “longevity expert” said that every woman should be able to do 11 push-ups, and then the internet sort of imploded. And the guy who posted the thing above is big on ragebait: I poked around his Instagram profile (an activity I cannot endorse), and most posts were variations on a theme of “You are pathetic and the only person to blame is yourself.”

I scoffed when I saw this post and did the math: Even as a fitness professional, I can only do four of these 10 things, and that’s on a really good day. And when I took a screenshot, I figured I’d probably write a whole thing about how ridiculous and unhelpful this kind of list is.

But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered whether it really was all that outrageous. Okay, yes, the wording sucks: obviously not “every woman” can do all, or even any, of these activities. We have to consider injuries, age, chronic conditions, other disabilities, financial and safety-related barriers to exercise, and the huge range of other differences that can affect what we’re capable of achieving physically.

Still, annoyingly, for many of us (women or otherwise), these are somewhat reasonable — if a bit ambitious — goals to consider. Even if we never actually reach them, the work involved in trying could be really, really good for most of us:

• Following a walk-run training plan can improve your cardiovascular health and endurance and improve your mental health — even if you never achieve a sub-9–minute mile. (I found Couch to 5K very effective for learning to run, but it was infused with diet culture messaging; however, I’ve heard great things about None to Run.)

• Learning to bench press, squat, and deadlift, and working your way up in weight, are great for building muscle, maintaining or even increasing bone mineral density, and improving your functional fitness — you’ll find that walking, climbing stairs, and lifting everyday objects all become easier, whether or not you achieve the benchmarks this guy lists.

• AND YET: These benchmarks may not be as ridiculous as you might think. If you’re an at-home exerciser and only have up to 15- or 20-pound dumbbells, it might be hard to imagine, but when I’m cajoling my training clients to buy heavier weights, I’ll often gently mention that deadlifting the equivalent of their body weight is likely totally within their reach if they have access to the right equipment and train consistently. It’s not a crazy goal! And 1.25x isn’t that much more, really.

• Working towards unassisted pull-ups and heavy farmer’s carries will tremendously benefit your grip strength, and while we can’t draw causational links, there are tons of cool associations between grip strength and other markers of wellbeing, like pelvic floor function, immune function, and overall longevity. And the better your grip strength, the heavier you’ll be able to deadlift! Plus, opening jars without help is so satisfying.

• I’m not sure a 90-second plank is really necessary (60 seconds seems like a fine goal to me, and after that point many people will start to lose their form), but practicing your planks and slowly adding time is a great way to improve core strength, which supports more functional movement throughout your entire body — a strong core helps keep your spine and pelvis comfortable while you do all the other stuff you need to do. And remember that working your way up from a plank with hands on an elevated surface (like a wall or bench) to a knee plank to a hands-and-toes-on-the-floor plank is a really great way to progress; it’s not just about adding time.

• Improving your flexibility (which is basically your passive range of motion, where mobility is your active range of motion) may not be quite as helpful or important as everyone thinks it is — the touching-toes-without-bending-knees goal is the one on this list I’m most skeptical about, even though it’s personally the easiest one for me. (I’d be more interested in more functional mobility work.) Still, if it’s motivating to you, your best bets for working on it will likely be active mobility work, contract-and-release–style stretching, and nervous system regulation, which are all worthy activities. Passive stretching, which is what most of us think of when we consider trying to touch our toes, might not be all it’s cracked up to be, but! I still do it. Why? Because it feels good. Because it’s a way to show your body some tenderness. Because it forces you to slow down and breathe. Because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system. (Worth noting that folks with hypermobility should stretch mindfully. More here.)

• Finally, burpees. The exercise we love to hate! They truly suck for most of us, and those with tricky wrists and shoulders may want to make a different choice. But in terms of smashing together full-body strength, mobility, power, cardiovascular fitness, and agility into one sweaty package, they’re a pretty good choice — and can be leveled up or down in all sorts of ways. Consider incorporating them as a finisher for your workouts a couple of times a week: When you’re done with whatever else you’re working on, spend one to three minutes on burpees. Maybe you move slowly through one burpee at first, take a long break, and then try another, and so on. Over time, gradually pick up the pace of each individual burpee. Then try stringing more together at once, and taking shorter breaks. Then try leveling up the burpee itself: adding a push-up, hopping into and out of the plank instead of stepping, and/or jumping off the floor when you return to stand. Will it be fun? No! Will you see more progress than you expect, which is very gratifying? Probably! Can you skip this if it sounds awful? Sure!

Look, I’m not saying that I’m planning to follow or take fitness advice from this dude — his style and approach are just not my speed in any way. And again, I’m not saying that I agree with his framing: Not only is it ridiculous to say that “every” woman should be able to do literally anything, fitness is simply not a moral obligation. The word “should” just doesn’t belong here. These activities are not a priority for everyone, even everyone who’s theoretically capable of achieving them, and that’s okay. In fact, here’s a reworked version of this list:

What I am saying is that it is worth at least sometimes questioning the narratives we’ve created for ourselves about our bodies and what we’re capable of. I’m proud of my outsider status in the fitness industry, and I’d still (mostly) rather be the awkward misfit than the cool, shredded Hyrox competitor — it’s a huge part of why I’ve been able to build such meaningful relationships with so many people who also feel like outsiders in fitness spaces.

But: I’ve seen firsthand how often people underestimate their own strength and capacity; in fact, I consider it a big part of my job to slyly trick people into doing hard stuff, because they can do far more than they think they’re capable of. And — condescending and arrogant as this fitness guy seems — I appreciated the reminder that I can, too.

So can you.

xo
Anna

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P.S. Rheumatoid arthritis hive, assemble! Next week, I’ll be interviewing a fabulous personal trainer with RA for my How to Move With series. If you have questions about exercising with RA (or another inflammatory arthritis condition), please share them in the comments, via DM on Substack, or by replying to this email if you’re receiving it in your inbox.

P.P.S. I’m crowdsourcing for a new post: How do you make your workout feel more FUN, or even…playful? Would love to know! Same deal here: share in the comments, via DM on Substack, or by replying to this email.